Dear Former Me- Am I Enough?

Dear Former Me,

Today was one of those days where you did everything you were supposed to do-

And still felt like it wasn’t enough. You woke up tired, poured into everyone else, and somehow forgot to check in with yourself. Again.

You’re not crazy for feeling like this. You’re not weak because it feels heavy. You’ve carried a lot for a long time, and sometimes, just standing upright is a victory. Try not to be so hard on yourself but we both know that’s not the easiest thing to do. No matter how far you’ve come, you still seem to have this little voice in your mind telling you  to do more, prove more, be someone better.. Or worse.. Someone else.

I hate that for us to be completely honest. Life has been weird lately. It feels like everything is going in slow motion and the world is passing you by. You’re smiling.. Sure.. but your smile never quite reaches your eyes. And when you do smile.. It never feels genuine. It’s really hard to talk to anyone because nothing is actually wrong.. Well I mean.. Not technically. You have a good life. And you are extremely grateful.. So why does it still feel like you’re lost?

I wish I had all those answers, but truthfully, I guess I’m still figuring them out myself. How did we get so disconnected from ourselves? I really hope that you know this feeling will pass. Even if it doesn’t seem like it. This version of you? The one with the tired heart? The one who keeps showing up for others in the midst of breaking internally? She’s worthy of love too. Please don’t forget that. You’re going somewhere.. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. She’s going somewhere beautiful. I know you don’t always see it.. But trust me.. You’re not really lost. Just keep trusting God and remember.. It’s his plan.. Not yours.

I really love you. I know I don’t tell you that enough but I do. I hope this year, I can start showing up for you more. You deserve that.

I love you Evelyn.