Dear Former Me-Changes Are Happening

Dear Former Me,

I won’t lie to you.. I’m a little scared with all of these changes going on. I’ve never really knew how to adapt to changes. I’m quick to want to shut down or I would get really angry about nothing going to plan but lately? It’s felt really good to just simply say that I’m scared and still be open to how life unfolds.

I’m someone who usually craves clarity but lately, I’ve been genuinely just embracing the unknown. I’m learning it’s often times not as bad as I think. There’s always something good waiting on the other end.

But still, I still feel scared. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough or that I’m letting others down by wanting to do things differently. I guess if I’m being honest, in a way, I am.

Not intentionally but still, maybe that’s part of the plan? Not my plan but God’s plan. I don’t always understand God’s plan though and that causes me frustration but I’m trying to open up space to just allow God to do his thing. It’s not easy. I’m really not used to this.. emptiness in my life.. or at least, the feeling of emptiness because when I actually zoom out, my life isn’t empty at all.. but still.. it feels like I’m forever waiting for something that isn’t really quite here yet. Or like maybe I’m just missing it.

Either way, I’m just learning how to trust the process.. I hope that I’m doing it right. Every time I think I’m doing good, this little voice in my head creeps in and causes me to doubt everything.. I’m working really hard to not trust the voice but trust my heart instead. I’m learning that’s where I operate best at.

This is exhausting though. It seems like in life, people always tell you to think logically and on one end, I get it but, on the other, it exhausts me. Feelings are not facts, I get it.. but.. my heart is my heart.. and I want to trust it.. I think what I’m really saying is that I’m hoping to trust my heart more and trust God more in this new season of life.. Maybe I’m silly.. Maybe I’m not.. I guess time will tell..

Look Evelyn, I just need you to know that it’s ok to feel everything that you’re feeling. The confusion, the fear, the happiness, the hopefulness.. feel it all.. you won’t regret it.. in fact, maybe that’s where your true power is. Embracing your vulnerability. That’s something I’ve been learning to do lately and I truly hope that one day, you really learn it to and you hold on to it because here’s the truth… Nobody can be strong all the time.. and that’s what we’re learning.. Embrace being human and just allow God to take the burdens from you.

Life is for living. So live it up baby girl!

I love you so so much!

Forever Yours,

Evelyn