I met someone recently who told me he wished he was more like me.
To be honest, the comment caught me off guard.
Not because it was offensive. Not because it wasn’t kind.
But because I spent most of my life wishing I was less like me.
I left our conversation with a question I couldn’t shake:
What does being less like myself actually look like?
Because if I’m honest, I’ve spent years trying to figure that out.
I’ve been told I was too loud.
Too emotional.
Too opinionated.
Too ambitious.
Too much.
So I did what many of us learn to do.
I adapted.
I shrank.
I softened parts of myself.
I wore masks.
I became who I thought people wanted me to be.
Not all at once. Not consciously. Just little pieces over time.
Until one day I realized I had become so focused on being acceptable that I had lost touch with being authentic.
And I don’t think I’m alone in that.
How many of us have changed ourselves to fit into rooms we were never meant to shrink for?
How many times have we hidden our personalities, our dreams, our voices, our quirks, or our opinions because we were afraid they would make someone uncomfortable?
How often do we trade authenticity for approval?
The problem is that every time we abandon ourselves to gain acceptance, we move a little further away from the person we’re meant to become.
We become experts at reading the room.
Experts at managing perceptions.
Experts at giving people what they want.
But strangers to ourselves.
And eventually, a strange thing happens.
We wake up one day and realize we don’t know what we actually want anymore.
We know what our family wants.
We know what society wants.
We know what our friends expect.
But we haven’t checked in with ourselves in years.
That’s the hidden cost of constantly adapting.
You lose the ability to hear your own voice.
Authenticity isn’t about being rebellious.
It’s not about refusing feedback.
It’s not about never growing.
Authenticity is simply the willingness to remain connected to yourself while you grow.
To know who you are beneath the expectations.
To trust your voice even when it isn’t the loudest one in the room.
To stop treating your uniqueness like a problem that needs solving.
Because the truth is, the qualities that make you different may be the very qualities you’re here to offer the world.
The answer isn’t becoming more like someone else.
The answer is becoming more familiar with yourself.
And if you’ve been feeling disconnected from who you are, if you’ve spent years trying to fit expectations that were never truly yours, you’re not alone.
The good news is that reconnecting with yourself doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a process. A series of small decisions to listen to your own voice again.
If you’ve been wondering where to start, here are three things I’ve learned along my own journey back to myself.
1. Notice Where You’re Performing
Ask yourself:
Where am I acting from fear of rejection rather than genuine desire?
You don’t have to change anything yet.
Just notice.
Awareness is where authenticity begins.
2. Pay Attention to What Makes You Feel Most Alive
What activities make you lose track of time?
What conversations energize you?
What version of yourself feels the most natural?
Your authentic self often leaves clues.
3. Ask Yourself What You Want Without Considering Anyone Else’s Opinion
This one is harder than it sounds.
If no one could judge you, what would you pursue?
What would you wear?
What would you say?
What would you create?
What would you stop apologizing for?
Sometimes authenticity isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about remembering who you were before the world convinced you to edit yourself.
Maybe that’s why that conversation stayed with me.
Not because someone wanted to be more like me.
But because it reminded me how much of my life I spent trying to be less like myself.
Maybe the real work isn’t becoming someone else.
Maybe the real work is remembering who you were before the world told you to be quieter, smaller, easier, less ambitious, less emotional, less visible, less you.
You don’t have to change to be whole.
You don’t have to earn your worth by becoming more acceptable.
You don’t have to abandon yourself to belong.
The qualities you’ve spent years trying to hide may be the very qualities that make you unique. The parts of yourself you’ve questioned, softened, edited, and apologized for may be the very parts that deserve to take up space.
Growth isn’t about becoming a different person.
It’s about becoming a more honest version of yourself.
It’s about giving yourself permission to stop performing and start living.
To stop shrinking and start showing up.
To stop asking who the world wants you to be and start asking who you are when no one else is watching.
Because there is beauty in authenticity.
There is power in self-acceptance.
And there is freedom in finally realizing that you were never meant to become someone else.
You were always meant to become more fully yourself.
