The Soft Power Journal

Tag: Mental Health

  • Wholeness Doesn’t Mean You’re Always Okay: Holding Space for the Messy Middle

    Wholeness Doesn’t Mean You’re Always Okay: Holding Space for the Messy Middle

    There’s this quiet pressure in healing culture that whispers, “If you’re doing the work, you shouldn’t still feel like this.”

    But real healing—soul-deep, identity-shifting, root-pulling healing—is not linear, polished, or predictable.

    Wholeness does not mean you’re always okay.

    It means you’re always becoming.

    Some days you’ll feel like the woman you prayed to become. Other days, you’ll feel like the girl who needed rescuing. And both can exist within you. At the same time. Without contradiction. Without shame.

    The Lie of Constant Progress

    We’re taught to measure growth by progress. By movement. By proof. But some of the deepest healing happens in stillness—in the unseen choices, in the quiet no’s, in the tears you don’t post, in the days you show up without makeup or a plan, and still breathe through it.

    There is no perfect version of you waiting at the end of the path. You’re not a problem to be solved. You are a process unfolding.

    This Is What the Messy Middle Looks Like:

    You set boundaries, then second-guess them.

    You choose softness, then feel exposed.

    You reclaim your worth, then catch yourself trying to earn it.

    You feel proud and still deeply tired.

    This is not a setback. It’s the space in between—where you grieve, recalibrate, and re-learn what safety feels like in your body.

    Holding Space for All of You

    You are not meant to heal in a straight line. You are allowed to pause. To feel joy and grief within the same breath. To still long for clarity while honoring how far you’ve come. To admit that even as a whole woman, sometimes you’re just… tired.

    Stop waiting until you feel “more together” to show up for your life. You are already whole. Even when you wobble. Even when you cry. Even when you can’t explain why you feel the way you do.

    This is the brave part of healing no one talks about: allowing the mess and the magic to sit beside each other.

    Let that be enough today.

    If this resonated with you, take a moment to explore more essays inside The Soft Power Journal. Each piece is a quiet return to truth, softness, and soul.

  • Dear Former Me- I Actually Like Myself

    Dear Former Me- I Actually Like Myself

    Dear Former Me,

    Something strange has been going on in my life. The more and more I just let myself be genuinely happy.. the more and more I notice how quick people are to leave my life. I don’t know.. it’s strange..

    You would think more people would be happier but I think I’m starting to understand that a lot of people don’t trust happiness. I get it though because I used to be like that. Life is good though and I can’t complain. Don’t get me wrong.. Life is totally living but overall, I’m just really grateful for where I am right now.

    It’s crazy.. the more I’ve been spending time with myself, the more I realize that I like myself. I’m pretty funny.. and I walk to the beat of my own drum. I realized that even though I have social anxiety, I am actually great with connecting with people.. it’s like.. my weir super power.

    There was really a time when I would hide or feel like I shouldn’t talk too much, or maybe I was just “too much” but the reality? It isn’t my reality. I just want to tell you how proud I am of you. You’ve really been making strides and doing the things you have always wanted to do and that’s beautiful. You started your podcast, got that promotion at the job, and you’re opening yourself up to new friendships.

    It hasn’t been an easy journey but.. hey, we’re here. I’m so excited for you and if nobody else tells you, I’m so genuinely happy for you. You deserve everything good in this life. You are so smart, kind, and you are always authentically you, even if it makes others uncomfortable. That’s not always easy to do..

    We live in a world that tries to shame people for being different but look at you! You’re actually embracing what makes you different and God has really been opening up not just doors but entirely new paths in your life.

    I can’t wait for the day that you come back and read this.

    I love you so much Evie!

    Love,

    Evelyn

  • Dear Former Me- Yay I Guess For a Boyfriend

    Dear Former Me- Yay I Guess For a Boyfriend

    Dear Former Me,

    You have a boyfriend now.. Like not a passing connection.. An actual boyfriend.. On paper, everything should be fine. But if I’m being honest with you… you’re really not happy. And that’s something we are struggling with saying out loud. We’re supposed to be so happy that we’ve been chosen but can I be honest? Just between you and I? If this is what being chosen feels like… it sucks. Like horribly haha. But.. idk.. Maybe we should just be grateful? Even when it hurts. I mean.. He’s not the greatest guy.. Ok actually.. He’s really a jerk. To food workers and wait staff, to your family, to his friends, and most importantly to you. He’s nice to the kids though so I guess that’s a plus? And he pays the bills.. Ok stop doing that! We have got to stop trying to justify people’s bad behaviors. I get it, you really want to believe everyone is good despite their negative actions.. Maybe you’re like that because somehow, after everything you have been through, you still find a way to love.. Even in moments you really don’t want to..

    But I think that’s because you genuinely just do not want to hurt people the way that you’ve been hurt..

    But this dude? He definitely wants to hurt people.. I don’t really get it but.. Maybe at the same time I do because there was a time in my life when I was a kid when I wanted to hurt everyone around me too. I was so angry. All the time. And honestly, I mean, growing up with people who screamed and physically fought each other was completely normal.. So then.. Why does this feel.. Like it’s not okay? Does that make me a hypocrite? You know, since I used to hurt people, people deserve to hurt me? I don’t know.. I mean.. That’s how my brain works sometimes.. But here’s the thing.. I don’t hurt people anymore.. Not physically or verbally, and definitely not intentionally. I’ve definitely learned to take accountability and apologize for my actions when it’s necessary, even if I don’t always see it that way.. But not like.. Gaslighting or like manipulative i should apologize.. Like.. I genuinely didn’t realize how my actions affected you and now that I see that, I won’t cross your boundaries again.. But that’s only because I learned to trust myself. And because therapy has helped me to understand the difference between apologizing just to apologize and apologize because you mean it. When you apologize, it’s not just for the other person, it’s for you too.. You get the opportunity to grow and learn. But an apology without consistent change, it’s not real.. And yeah.. Change doesn’t come overnight.. Which is where grace comes in. I still don’t have that part down..

    I don’t know Evelyn.. This all feels a bit confusing and I don’t truly feel comfortable or happy… and if I’m being completely honest, I don’t feel loved, valued, or safe. I don’t like who i am with this person.. It’s almost like I’m being forced to change into what they want.. But that’s not real growth and love. Like yes, we change when we are with people, but it shouldn’t be at the cost of abandoning yourself. You should feel inspired to do better and explore yourself more. The right person will encourage you to grow but never force you. Just like God.. God wants us to grow. He wants us to change, even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it is.. But he doesn’t force us. He just holds space for us.. This situation only holds space for us if we conform.

    We’re going to leave him.. 

    But maybe.. Maybe we can just break it off tomorrow. I’m too scared to do it right now.. I just introduced him to my friends. I don’t want to feel embarrassed.

  • Dear Former Me- I’m Pretty Sure I’m Invisible

    Dear Former Me- I’m Pretty Sure I’m Invisible

    Dear Former Me,

    You felt invisible today. Like the world kept moving and forgot you were in it. And for a second, you wondered if it’s true-that you’re forgettable, replaceable, too much and not enough all at once.

    But guess what? You still showed up. You smiled and played with your kids, still checked your bank account…. And then quickly regretted it hahaha. By the way… we need to get on top of our money. I know you like nice things because so do I, but remember what we’ve learned.. Material items do not replace presence and wealth is not the same as abundance.

    You helped someone today and it felt really good. You didn’t even realize you were helping them until they smiled at you and asked to give you a hug and cried at the same time. That definitely threw you for a loop.. But guess what? You didn’t pull away from it.. Maybe because deep down we both knew that in this crazy mess of a world, we’re all looking for connection and love. Truthfully? You probably need that hug more than them. 

    We need to show up for ourselves more. We need to stop pretending to have everything together. We really don’t and that’s ok. I’m starting to realize that we’re not meant to have everything together. That’s why God is there. God doesn’t want us to be perfect. He just needs us to be willing to try. Try to open our hearts, even when it’s scary. God never asks us to be perfect so why do we put that expectation on ourselves? Imperfection is why God loves us. It’s always what connects us to the world around us. Don’t be afraid to be imperfect. If you’re imperfect? That means you’re real. It means that you’re honest. And that means that you’re allowing God to work in your life. 

    Oh.. and girl, yes, you may feel invisible but I promise you that you’re not. It might not mean much now but I see you.. Always. And I promise you that I will never forget about you again. I love you. I really do. You’re amazing. Look at everything that we’ve been through. You survived group homes, treatment centers, juvie, sex trafficking, and being a runaway.. You were 9 at the time.. And now you’re a WHOLE adult. Not a half of one! A WHOLE one! That’s crazy.. Because we never thought we would make it here, but we did. And even if no one else saw you, I saw you. And I won’t ever allow us to see ourselves again. You’re not invisible. And you’re not alone. God has you. Just.. trust the process and trust yourself too while you’re at it and most importantly.. Remember, God’s plan. Not yours.

    I Love You Evelyn

  • Dear Former Me- It’s Okay To Cry

    Dear Former Me- It’s Okay To Cry

    Dear Former Me,

    You cried again today. And not the pretty cry… like the really really ugly cry. You didn’t cry in front of everyone. You just went to the bathroom and sat in the tub and let it out. You were scared someone would hear-but also scared no one would.

    You’re so used to having to be strong and you’re still getting used to crying. I mean.. You used to cry a lot but your family would always call you dramatic or tell you that you’re crying for no reason.. And maybe you were.. But maybe you just were hurting. Like today. Today just….hurt.

    You’re allowed to break down and still be  rebuilding something powerful.

    You don’t have to earn rest, and you don’t have to earn love. You don’t have to pretend that you’re okay when you’re really not. It’s really okay to not be okay. You’re human. Remember.. Even on the worst days, God is still beside you and with God on your side, you cannot fail. You won’t fail. So, let the tears fall but remember to get back up. It’s scary but I believe in you. I believe in us. And if no one has told you recently, I’m so proud of you. I’m proud of you. I’m literally so proud of you. I cannot say that enough.

    We’re doing better than we think. Honestly. 

    I love you Evelyn.

  • Dear Former Me- Am I Enough?

    Dear Former Me- Am I Enough?

    Dear Former Me,

    Today was one of those days where you did everything you were supposed to do-

    And still felt like it wasn’t enough. You woke up tired, poured into everyone else, and somehow forgot to check in with yourself. Again.

    You’re not crazy for feeling like this. You’re not weak because it feels heavy. You’ve carried a lot for a long time, and sometimes, just standing upright is a victory. Try not to be so hard on yourself but we both know that’s not the easiest thing to do. No matter how far you’ve come, you still seem to have this little voice in your mind telling you  to do more, prove more, be someone better.. Or worse.. Someone else.

    I hate that for us to be completely honest. Life has been weird lately. It feels like everything is going in slow motion and the world is passing you by. You’re smiling.. Sure.. but your smile never quite reaches your eyes. And when you do smile.. It never feels genuine. It’s really hard to talk to anyone because nothing is actually wrong.. Well I mean.. Not technically. You have a good life. And you are extremely grateful.. So why does it still feel like you’re lost?

    I wish I had all those answers, but truthfully, I guess I’m still figuring them out myself. How did we get so disconnected from ourselves? I really hope that you know this feeling will pass. Even if it doesn’t seem like it. This version of you? The one with the tired heart? The one who keeps showing up for others in the midst of breaking internally? She’s worthy of love too. Please don’t forget that. You’re going somewhere.. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. She’s going somewhere beautiful. I know you don’t always see it.. But trust me.. You’re not really lost. Just keep trusting God and remember.. It’s his plan.. Not yours.

    I really love you. I know I don’t tell you that enough but I do. I hope this year, I can start showing up for you more. You deserve that.

    I love you Evelyn.