Tag: writting

Dear Former Me,

You felt invisible today. Like the world kept moving and forgot you were in it. And for a second, you wondered if it’s true-that you’re forgettable, replaceable, too much and not enough all at once.

But guess what? You still showed up. You smiled and played with your kids, still checked your bank account…. And then quickly regretted it hahaha. By the way… we need to get on top of our money. I know you like nice things because so do I, but remember what we’ve learned.. Material items do not replace presence and wealth is not the same as abundance.

You helped someone today and it felt really good. You didn’t even realize you were helping them until they smiled at you and asked to give you a hug and cried at the same time. That definitely threw you for a loop.. But guess what? You didn’t pull away from it.. Maybe because deep down we both knew that in this crazy mess of a world, we’re all looking for connection and love. Truthfully? You probably need that hug more than them. 

We need to show up for ourselves more. We need to stop pretending to have everything together. We really don’t and that’s ok. I’m starting to realize that we’re not meant to have everything together. That’s why God is there. God doesn’t want us to be perfect. He just needs us to be willing to try. Try to open our hearts, even when it’s scary. God never asks us to be perfect so why do we put that expectation on ourselves? Imperfection is why God loves us. It’s always what connects us to the world around us. Don’t be afraid to be imperfect. If you’re imperfect? That means you’re real. It means that you’re honest. And that means that you’re allowing God to work in your life. 

Oh.. and girl, yes, you may feel invisible but I promise you that you’re not. It might not mean much now but I see you.. Always. And I promise you that I will never forget about you again. I love you. I really do. You’re amazing. Look at everything that we’ve been through. You survived group homes, treatment centers, juvie, sex trafficking, and being a runaway.. You were 9 at the time.. And now you’re a WHOLE adult. Not a half of one! A WHOLE one! That’s crazy.. Because we never thought we would make it here, but we did. And even if no one else saw you, I saw you. And I won’t ever allow us to see ourselves again. You’re not invisible. And you’re not alone. God has you. Just.. trust the process and trust yourself too while you’re at it and most importantly.. Remember, God’s plan. Not yours.

I Love You Evelyn