Dear Former Me

Dear Former Me,

I feel really lonely.

Half the time, I don’t think anybody understands me. I don’t think anybody sees me. I wish I had friends, but honestly, I don’t.

And my family? Most days, it feels like they don’t like me very much either.

I have my kids, and I love them more than anything. But as much as I love them, it’s not the same as having a community around you. It’s not the same as having people who choose you, support you, and genuinely want to be part of your life.

But honestly… what is a community?

How would I even know where one is found?

Do good friends even exist?

Because every friendship I’ve ever had seems to end the same way—hurt, disappointment, betrayal, or chaos. Some of those friendships were so unhealthy that we literally ended up fighting each other.

Some days I wonder what’s wrong with me.

Why do I feel so alone?

Why does it seem like everyone else has their people while I’m still trying to figure out where I belong?

Other days, I just keep moving forward.

I get up.
I go to work.
I take care of the kids.
I chase my dreams.
I pretend I’m okay.

And sometimes, when nobody is around, I talk to God.

“Hello, God.

Are You actually there?

Do You hear me?

Because if You do, I hope one day You send me real friends.

I hope You help me find my people.

I hope You lead me to a community where I don’t have to prove my worth just to belong.”

Listen, Evelyn.

I know right now it feels like you’re always going to be the outsider.

The loner.

The girl who never quite fits in.

But maybe this isn’t the end of the story.

Maybe you’re not being rejected.

Maybe you’re being redirected.

Maybe the people you’re praying for are still making their way to you.

Until then, keep showing up.

Keep being kind.

Keep believing.

And most importantly, keep loving yourself.

Because even on the days when nobody else understands you, you still deserve your own love.

I love you, Evelyn.

Never forget that.

Love,
Future You