The Soft Power Journal

Author: Evelyn Michelle | The Soft Power Journal

  • Dear Former Me — The Version Who Thought She Had to Earn Her Worth

    Dear Former Me — The Version Who Thought She Had to Earn Her Worth

    I remember how you used to stare at your phone, wondering if silence meant rejection.

    How you’d spiral when someone withdrew their energy, blaming yourself for their confusion.

    How you’d rehearse every boundary in your head, afraid that speaking your needs would make you too much to stay.

    You didn’t want to be a burden.

    You wanted to be the peace someone came home to.

    Even if it cost you your own.

    I remember the night you cried after recording—how your voice cracked trying to sound strong.

    How you gave grace to someone who never apologized, hoping quiet kindness would invite accountability.

    How you kept showing up, even when you felt invisible in return.

    You kept shrinking to fit into spaces that were never built for your power.

    And deep down, you believed if you loved hard enough, they’d see you clearly.

    But you’re not invisible anymore.

    You’ve stopped begging for clarity from people who only offer confusion.

    You’ve stopped mistaking kindness for consistency.

    You’ve stopped abandoning yourself just to feel chosen for a moment.

    You are not hard to love.

    You just outgrew the people who only knew how to hold you halfway.

    And now?

    Now, your peace is louder than your performance.

    Your silence isn’t punishment—it’s protection.

    And your presence is the reward—not something you ever had to earn.

    You made it, baby.

    You walked yourself home.

    Not to perfection—but to your power.

    And whatever comes next?

    It’s not gonna require shrinking, guessing, or over-explaining.

    It’s gonna meet you in your fullness.

    I’m proud of you. I trust you. I’m not letting go of you again.

    I love you so much.

    Love, Evelyn

  • Signed: You’re Ready to Be Seen in a New Way

    Signed: You’re Ready to Be Seen in a New Way

    There comes a moment—quiet, sacred, maybe even scary—when you realize:

    You’re not who you used to be anymore.

    You’ve outgrown the mask.

    You’ve softened the armor.

    You’ve grieved the version of you that once needed to be everything for everyone.

    And now? You’re being invited to show up differently.

    Not louder. Not smaller. Not more polished.

    But truer.

    This is your soul’s signature on the dotted line that says:

    I’m ready to be seen. For real this time.

    But being seen… that’s not always easy.

    It sounds beautiful, but it requires layers to be shed.

    Old roles. Old stories. Old coping mechanisms that once kept you safe.

    Because visibility isn’t just about exposure—it’s about vulnerability.

    It’s about letting people meet the version of you that doesn’t need to be understood to feel valid.

    And that kind of presence?

    It changes things. It changes you.

    Here’s what being seen in a new way might look like:

    Saying “no” and not explaining it Taking up space with your softness, not in spite of it

    Letting your joy be loud without apologizing

    Wearing what you like, not what’s “on trend”

    Leaving spaces where you’re only tolerated, not honored

    This isn’t about reinventing yourself. It’s about revealing yourself.

    You don’t need a new brand or identity to be worthy of visibility.

    You just need to let the woman you’ve become finally breathe.

    Let her speak in her own voice.

    Let her rest without guilt.

    Let her be bold without performing.

    Because the truth is—you’ve always been her.

    You just stopped hiding.

    Try this: a Visibility Mirror Ritual

    Stand in front of your mirror. Look into your own eyes.

    Say out loud: “I no longer shrink to be understood. I no longer hide to feel safe. I am ready to be seen, and I trust what is revealed will be held.”

    Repeat it every morning for a week. Watch how your energy shifts.

    If you’re scared of being seen—good. That means it’s real. That means it matters.

    But don’t confuse fear with unreadiness.

    You’ve already done the work.

    You’ve already softened.

    You’ve already begun.

    So this post is your sign.

    Signed: You’re ready to be seen in a new way.

  • The Power You Carry is Already Enough

    The Power You Carry is Already Enough

    There’s this quiet pressure we carry—

    To prove ourselves.

    To be louder. Better. Smarter. More “together.”

    To earn our place in rooms we already belong in.

    And sometimes, even when we’re healing, we still move like we have something to prove.

    But hear me when I say this:

    The power you carry is not waiting on your glow-up. It already exists. Right here. Right now.

    You don’t need to do more to be worthy.

    You don’t need to look different to be powerful.

    You don’t need a perfect plan to take up space.

    I used to think confidence came with perfection.

    That once I looked a certain way, healed a certain wound, or hit a certain milestone—then I’d feel powerful.

    But chasing perfection only made me feel further from myself.

    It took sitting in silence, stripped of the performances and the masks, to realize:

    Power isn’t loud. Power is presence.

    And presence doesn’t mean you have all the answers.

    It just means you know who you are—even when you’re still becoming.

    Let’s redefine what power really looks like:

    Power is choosing yourself when no one else claps.

    It’s walking into a room and not shrinking—even if your voice shakes.

    It’s knowing you can pause, breathe, and still hold weight.

    Power is emotional clarity.

    It’s being able to say “I need a minute” without guilt.

    It’s crying and not calling that a setback.

    Power is not overcompensating.

    You don’t need to over-explain, over-give, or over-do to be enough.

    You already are.

    Here’s how to access the power you already carry:

    1. Anchor into your energy.

    Before any big moment—interview, date, tough conversation—try this:

    Stand tall. Take a breath. Place your hand on your chest.

    Say: “I am already enough. I don’t have to earn this room—I am the room.”

    2. Dismantle the performance.

    Ask yourself: What parts of me are trying to be liked rather than seen?

    Let them rest.

    3. Create a “power playlist.”

    Songs that make you feel like the woman you are when no one’s watching.

    Let them remind you of your presence when you forget.

    4. Write your own receipt.

    List five moments you already showed up in power.

    Moments you stood your ground. Softened without folding. Told the truth.

    That’s your proof.

    You don’t have to perform to be powerful.

    You don’t need more credentials, more validation, or more glow.

    You need more trust in what already lives within you.

    Power doesn’t have to prove itself.

    It just has to be claimed.

    So go ahead and claim it.

    Right here. As you are.

    Because the power you carry?

    It’s already enough.

  • Dear Former Me- Friendship Grief

    Dear Former Me- Friendship Grief

    Dear Former Me,

    You didn’t imagine it.

    That connection was real.

    And even if it was just a friendship—just someone who saw you and showed up—it still mattered. It still hurts.

    You didn’t expect to miss them this much, did you?

    It wasn’t about romance. It never had to be.

    It was about the way you laughed without trying.

    How they showed up to Poetry Night with you, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

    How you could sit next to them in silence and still feel like you were being held.

    Not with hands.

    With presence.

    With that steady, quiet way they had of being around you that made you feel like you didn’t have to prove anything to be valued.

    You didn’t lose a partner.

    You lost your person.

    Or at least, someone who felt like one—for a season.

    You thought, maybe for once, the story didn’t need a plot twist.

    Maybe this one would stay simple. Kind. Consistent.

    Maybe this was a friendship you could keep.

    But then it changed.

    Not all at once, but enough that you noticed.

    The way the replies got slower.

    The way the warmth dimmed.

    The way you were left wondering if you said too much, or not enough.

    You’re sitting here now, retracing it all, trying to find the moment the air shifted.

    But maybe there isn’t one.

    Maybe some friendships don’t end loudly—they just… evaporate.

    And that’s its own kind of grief.

    You keep saying it was “just” a friendship.

    But the way you felt after? That silence didn’t feel small.

    You felt it in your body.

    In your stomach.

    In the space where laughter used to echo.

    You didn’t ask for anything more than what you gave.

    And still, it feels like too much was left unsaid.

    Like no one warned you that missing a friend could ache like this.

    But here’s what I want you to remember:

    It’s not embarrassing to miss someone who made you feel safe.

    It’s not dramatic to mourn what felt like home.

    You are allowed to miss the version of yourself that felt held in that friendship.

    And it’s okay to still wish things were different.

    But don’t let this loss make you smaller.

    Don’t start holding back your care, your presence, your softness.

    The world needs more people who show up the way you did.

    They knew you.

    Even if they forgot how rare that was.

    And if nothing else—you’ll remember.

    You’ll remember what it felt like to be met in your fullness.

    And that memory will shape how you let the next person in.

    With grace,

    Evelyn

  • Dear Former Me-Changes Are Happening

    Dear Former Me-Changes Are Happening

    Dear Former Me,

    I won’t lie to you.. I’m a little scared with all of these changes going on. I’ve never really knew how to adapt to changes. I’m quick to want to shut down or I would get really angry about nothing going to plan but lately? It’s felt really good to just simply say that I’m scared and still be open to how life unfolds.

    I’m someone who usually craves clarity but lately, I’ve been genuinely just embracing the unknown. I’m learning it’s often times not as bad as I think. There’s always something good waiting on the other end.

    But still, I still feel scared. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough or that I’m letting others down by wanting to do things differently. I guess if I’m being honest, in a way, I am.

    Not intentionally but still, maybe that’s part of the plan? Not my plan but God’s plan. I don’t always understand God’s plan though and that causes me frustration but I’m trying to open up space to just allow God to do his thing. It’s not easy. I’m really not used to this.. emptiness in my life.. or at least, the feeling of emptiness because when I actually zoom out, my life isn’t empty at all.. but still.. it feels like I’m forever waiting for something that isn’t really quite here yet. Or like maybe I’m just missing it.

    Either way, I’m just learning how to trust the process.. I hope that I’m doing it right. Every time I think I’m doing good, this little voice in my head creeps in and causes me to doubt everything.. I’m working really hard to not trust the voice but trust my heart instead. I’m learning that’s where I operate best at.

    This is exhausting though. It seems like in life, people always tell you to think logically and on one end, I get it but, on the other, it exhausts me. Feelings are not facts, I get it.. but.. my heart is my heart.. and I want to trust it.. I think what I’m really saying is that I’m hoping to trust my heart more and trust God more in this new season of life.. Maybe I’m silly.. Maybe I’m not.. I guess time will tell..

    Look Evelyn, I just need you to know that it’s ok to feel everything that you’re feeling. The confusion, the fear, the happiness, the hopefulness.. feel it all.. you won’t regret it.. in fact, maybe that’s where your true power is. Embracing your vulnerability. That’s something I’ve been learning to do lately and I truly hope that one day, you really learn it to and you hold on to it because here’s the truth… Nobody can be strong all the time.. and that’s what we’re learning.. Embrace being human and just allow God to take the burdens from you.

    Life is for living. So live it up baby girl!

    I love you so so much!

    Forever Yours,

    Evelyn

  • Dear Former Me- I Actually Like Myself

    Dear Former Me- I Actually Like Myself

    Dear Former Me,

    Something strange has been going on in my life. The more and more I just let myself be genuinely happy.. the more and more I notice how quick people are to leave my life. I don’t know.. it’s strange..

    You would think more people would be happier but I think I’m starting to understand that a lot of people don’t trust happiness. I get it though because I used to be like that. Life is good though and I can’t complain. Don’t get me wrong.. Life is totally living but overall, I’m just really grateful for where I am right now.

    It’s crazy.. the more I’ve been spending time with myself, the more I realize that I like myself. I’m pretty funny.. and I walk to the beat of my own drum. I realized that even though I have social anxiety, I am actually great with connecting with people.. it’s like.. my weir super power.

    There was really a time when I would hide or feel like I shouldn’t talk too much, or maybe I was just “too much” but the reality? It isn’t my reality. I just want to tell you how proud I am of you. You’ve really been making strides and doing the things you have always wanted to do and that’s beautiful. You started your podcast, got that promotion at the job, and you’re opening yourself up to new friendships.

    It hasn’t been an easy journey but.. hey, we’re here. I’m so excited for you and if nobody else tells you, I’m so genuinely happy for you. You deserve everything good in this life. You are so smart, kind, and you are always authentically you, even if it makes others uncomfortable. That’s not always easy to do..

    We live in a world that tries to shame people for being different but look at you! You’re actually embracing what makes you different and God has really been opening up not just doors but entirely new paths in your life.

    I can’t wait for the day that you come back and read this.

    I love you so much Evie!

    Love,

    Evelyn

  • Dear Former Me-Thank You for Letting Go

    Dear Former Me-Thank You for Letting Go

    Dear Former Me,

    I know how hard you tried to hold it all together.

    Even when your heart was tired.

    Even when your spirit whispered this isn’t it—you still leaned in, still hoped, still made space for someone who wasn’t ready to meet you there.

    I saw how you twisted yourself into softer shapes,

    how you over-explained just to feel seen,

    how you called silence patience and tension love.

    You didn’t want to walk away. You wanted it to work.

    But deep down, I know you knew:

    love shouldn’t feel like negotiating your worth.

    So thank you—for finally letting go.

    Not in anger. Not in resentment.

    But in clarity.

    You let go of needing to be chosen.

    You let go of shrinking your needs.

    You let go of waiting for someone else to grow.

    And in doing that,

    you came back home to yourself.

    I know it hurt.

    But you learned to stop interpreting distance as your fault.

    You stopped calling someone’s emotional unavailability a challenge to overcome.

    You stopped begging for presence in the form of crumbs.

    You stopped settling for almost.

    Thank you for the nights you cried but didn’t reach back out.

    Thank you for choosing peace over potential.

    Thank you for walking away, not because you stopped caring—

    but because you finally started caring about yourself more.

    Because of you, I don’t abandon myself anymore.

    I no longer confuse mixed signals for magic.

    I no longer carry the weight of their unreadiness.

    I no longer perform for love I deserve to receive with ease.

    So thank you.

    You didn’t fail.

    You finally honored the version of you who’s been waiting to be free.

    With so much pride,

    Evelyn

  • You’re Not Behind, You’re in Bloom

    You’re Not Behind, You’re in Bloom

    Let’s get one thing clear—you’re not late.

    Not to your purpose. Not to your healing. Not to your becoming.

    You’re just blooming on your own divine timeline.

    But I know what it feels like when the world moves fast and you feel slow.

    When everyone else seems to be “figuring it out” while you’re still trying to feel okay.

    You start comparing your path to theirs.

    You start shrinking your dreams to fit someone else’s pace.

    But here’s the truth:

    Flowers don’t rush their bloom just because the one next to them opened first.

    I used to think I missed my moment.

    That I should’ve started earlier.

    That I should’ve known better.

    That I should’ve already “arrived.”

    But now I know—the delay wasn’t denial, it was design.

    Because if I would’ve bloomed earlier, I wouldn’t have been rooted enough to hold what I was asking for.

    And I want to say that again, for the version of you who’s been doubting herself:

    You are not behind. You are getting ready to bloom in a way that doesn’t just look beautiful—but lasts.

    Here’s what blooming in divine timing looks like:

    1. It’s slower than you expected.

    Because it’s not just about visibility—it’s about integrity.

    You’re not here to bloom for applause. You’re here to bloom for alignment.

    2. It’s deeper than you planned.

    Because you’re not just changing your habits, you’re healing your roots.

    And real healing doesn’t come with a timestamp.

    3. It’s softer than hustle.

    Because this version of you isn’t built on force.

    She’s built on trust. On wisdom. On knowing when to water herself and when to rest.

    Try this gentle blooming ritual:

    Close your eyes and visualize yourself as a flower.

    What season are you in?

    Seed, sprout, stem, bud, blossom? Each stage is valid. Each stage is sacred.

    Repeat this affirmation out loud: “I release the need to rush. I trust the pace of my becoming. I am not behind—I am blooming in divine time.”

    Write a “late bloomer” love letter to yourself.

    Speak to the part of you that feels rushed.

    Tell her she’s not too late.

    Tell her she’s growing strong.

    Tell her she’s right on time.

    The world will try to convince you that you should be further along.

    But what they don’t know is:

    You are building something rooted.

    You are growing in depth before height.

    You are shedding layers so the real you can shine.

    So please don’t measure your bloom by someone else’s timeline.

    Your timeline is sacred.

    Your growth is real.

    And your bloom is coming.

  • Dear Former Me- I Thought He Cared About Me

    Dear Former Me- I Thought He Cared About Me

    Dear Former Me,

    Are you sick of me yet? Because I’m sick of me. I really, really, really hate myself right now. I hate that I’m so forgiving. I hate that I seem to piss people off so much without trying. I hate that I change myself hoping someone will love me but they never do. All they do is hurt me. Again. And Again. And again. And I let them.. Because that’s just who I am. I really, really want to hurt people sometimes.. But you know what’s crazier? I hate myself for feeling that way so then.. I just hurt myself. Literally. I literally will do whatever I can to just punish myself because how evil of a person do I have to be in order to actually feel like hurting someone else? 

    I’m pretty freaking sick right?

     You know my boyfriend? Prince? News Freaking Flash.. NEVER DATE A GUY NAMED PRINCE. He is ANYTHING BUT A PRINCE. He’s an abusive jerk. I probably could use stronger language but I’m trying to get right with God. Prince choked me.. And not just that he called me a Negro from the streets. And screamed in my face and tried to choke me into the closet.. And I STILL TRIED TO TAKE HIM BACK TO HIS PLACE since he was just drunk out of his freaking mind. Guess what?! That didn’t happen. I had to call the cops on him because he wouldn’t stop screaming from the back seat of my car and then climbed to the front seat and I had to pull over only for him to choke me and spit in my face. 

    And you know the worst part? I didn’t want him to go to jail. I just wanted him to leave me alone.. so now I’m going to have to dodge the police because I’m not going to court to testify against him? Stupid? Idk maybe.. but here’s the thing.. I just don’t want to ruin someone’s life even if they really hurt me. And I would rather just be left alone.. I’m tired of always having to fight. I’ve literally been fighting my entire life. My mom, my family, girls in detention centers, boyfriends.. like this is exhausting.. I don’t know how I find myself in these stupid situations.

    It’s like… these guys start off really great.. but then.. BOOM full crazy.. and here’s the thing.. I don’t even like fighting. The only reason I ever fought in the past was because my mom would make me fight these kids in my neighborhood.. like literally make me fight them. Or I was on the run after my mom beat me up and kicked me out of the house so .. all of a sudden I was a 10 year old kid having to fight grown women and adults off of me in the streets of Las Vegas.. 

    Dude.. why do guys feel like they can hurt me all the time. I don’t even do anything to them… it’s like.. me being happy somehow is me being disrespectful? I should’ve hit him back.. I promise you I should’ve. I need to stop letting people hit me.. I don’t deserve that. I really don’t. It just.. is Normal I guess. 

    Idk.. God.. please help me find the courage to leave ..

    Evelyn.. if you’re reading this.. just know you made it through. You guys broke up. He wasn’t your man.. he might’ve been a man but not your man.. because any man who loves you wouldn’t put his hands on you, or be verbally abusive. He would love you the way that God loves you. And you deserve that. Even if you don’t believe that right now.. just know that I do.

    I’m proud of you for ending the relationship. And if I know you like I think I do, you didn’t do no dramatic exit .. you just let it go with grace. Trust me.. God has something and someone way better than you could’ve ever imagined. Just.. trust him.. Also, if a man EVER puts his hands on you again.. YOU STAND 10 toes down on business and you CALL THE COPS. Never fight men but you have every right to fight against your oppressor. Once a man decides to hit you. He is not a man. He is your oppressor.. you got this.. just keep praying .. it’s going to get better right? Yes.. it’s going to get better.

    I love you Evelyn. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you more but I promise.. I promise I’m going to be your protector from now on. I know this is new territory to us.. you’ve never had someone protect you growing up aside from Grandma.. so it’s going to be a learning experience but, we’re going to learn together. We’re going to learn and we’re going to be ok. You know how I know? Because God has been with us through worse. He has never left us empty handed and because I GOT YOU. If NOBODY ELSE has you, just know that I do. God’s plan. Not Ours. God’s plan.

    I love you so much Evelyn. You are so resilient. You are light. And you deserve better than anything you’ve ever been through. I got us baby.

    Forever yours,

    Evelyn 

  • Dear Former Me- I Hate God

    Dear Former Me- I Hate God


    Dear Former Me, 

    Sometimes grandma comes to me in my dreams and we get to talk. She showed me a vision of my life. I actually got married. Can you believe that? I wish.. Maybe one day. I was coaching soccer. I was skinny! Now that’s wild because I’m like 300 pounds. No way Would I ever be skinny haha. She gives me gifts sometimes in my dreams. I keep hearing that’s a good thing. I don’t know how if I keep waking up crying.

    I don’t know how I know.. But I just.. Feel like she’s going to stop visiting me soon. I keep trying to chase her in my dreams when she starts to walk away but she never lets me come with her. I don’t know why. I think she’s trying to tell me that life is going to be ok. It doesn’t feel like it if I’m being honest. It feels stupid. Everything is stupid and it doesn’t make sense. My sister keeps calling me and she’s crying. I don’t want her to know I’m hurting. I don’t want her to see me crying.. She needs me. She’s the older sister but I always feel like I have to be the person who holds everything together. That’s pretty freaking ironic considering I was a juvenile delinquent and everyone loves to tell me about myself.

    Crazy right? How the crazy person in the family becomes the one who has to hold everything together for everyone else? Nobody in my family actually likes me but I still have to be the one to show up for everyone? Uggggh. Am I bitter? I don’t think so.. Maybe just.. Tired of .. dealing with everyone else’s problems and emotions.. I don’t even get to deal with my own emotions.. I literally bottle them up trying to hold everything for everyone else and then when I do tell people I’m close to breaking.. It’s like they do crap on purpose to antagonize me.. Then when I explode and throw a pot roast.. I’M THE CRAZY ONE? Wow. Okay. 

    I don’t even know where I was going with this.

    I hate myself a lot today. I just want to go wherever my grandma is. Maybe I am really selfish for saying that. I don’t know..

    Anyways, If you manage to find this journal entry again.. Just know I’m proud of you for showing up for everyone else but I really hope you learn how to show up for yourself one day as well. Grandma’s not here anymore Ev. You’re all you got.. Well you.. And God.. although, I’m pretty sure at this point God hates us. Great.. Now I’m going to hell.. There’s so many things we’re told not to do or say to piss God off.. But why? .. God gives us emotions.. Why is it bad to feel them? Or express how much God really hates us… Whatever.. God if you’re reading this.. Make it make sense..

    And Evelyn.. If you’re reading this.. I know you did what you had to do for yourself and I know you’re going to be proud of yourself one day.. Like really proud.. Genuinely proud… and yes.. Losing grandma is going to hurt…probably always and forever but you know what? Finding who you are without her constant support? It’s going to be the most powerful thing in the world. You know why? Because I know you.. And I know you will forever remember what unconditional love felt like in this world because of her and you will learn how to extend that to everyone you encounter.. But first, remember to extend that to yourself. Remember it’s okay to not have everything figured out. And remember that you’re not broken.. You just… are finding your way in this weird world. And.. remember the dream .. The dream grandma showed you.. Because one day.. All of it is going to be true… you know how I know? Because grandma never lied to us. She wouldn’t have shown you being skinny, coaching soccer, or one dat getting married if none of that wasn’t real for you. Just.. Promise me something.. No matter how much you love someone, don’t abandon yourself to love someone else ever again.. I know.. It’s really hard for you because .. you really genuinely love people.. But you deserve someone who can show up for you too. So.. maybe.. You’re alone right now.. But you’re not really alone.. Because you have me.. And I promise I’m not going to let you down. And trust God dude.. He hasn’t left our side.. Even if we don’t see it right now. Remember.. God’s plan. Not yours.

    I love you Evelyn and so does grandma.. Even if she’s not here to say it anymore